Is it safe?

Is it safe?

:hideous dental work:

Is it safe?

Marathon Man Movie PosterThis is pretty much all I knew about The Marathon Man other than the cross-dresser from Tootsie was in it. It opens with Dustin Hoffman running…and with an old guy taking something out of a safety deposit bank…then passing it off to someone else…then seeing this old man and another one engage in some explosive road rage. Run Dusty, run!

The movie switches to a stylish Roy Scheider as a 007 type fella. He’s in distant fancy European lands…where people are surprised to see him alive and try to kill him with baby dolls and thin metal neck ties. We meet one of his co-workers and see Roy doing push-ups in nothing but his undies…and if you recall (or not), he was the main actor in All That Jazz a couple of years later so he was pretty dang fit and fabulous in those undies!

Roy Scheider Marathon ManBack to NYC and Dusty. Watch Dusty run….run Dusty run! And go to Columbia College (the smarty pants one, not the arty pants one I went to). We find out he’s smart but tight-lipped. His Pop was indicted for a something and offed himself when Tootsie was just a lad and Dusty is doing research on the man, the myth, the guy who we know was important, but not really what all he did and all that good stuff.

While at the school’s library he sees, steals from, and stalks a beautiful foreign girl…who may be Swedish….and who speaks some French (or seems to if my Freshman French class recall is any good). Before he forces himself into her apartment, she agrees to go on a date with him. Life is pretty okay. They date, they have great sex, we get to see some of the longest nipples ever, and then they get mugged by some surly business men. Dusty writes to a someone about his new lady and the mugging and sooner than not, 007 Jaws killer is at his door. Finally the two separate plots start merging. The kill or be killed Roy is Tootsie’s brother. He talks about the oil business and they all go out to dinner with his new foreign friend. Roy lies and she lies and he calls her out on it. Everyone is up to something and old Dusty is completely in the dark. Oh, and an ex-Nazi gives himself a haircut.

Marathon Man BathtubHis girlfriend runs away, his brother winds up all dead like in his apartment, and he finds out from his dead brother’s co-worker than not only was his brother not in the oil biz, but both he AND his dead dad were in the espionage and killing business. They didn’t want to tell him in case they disappointed him (all the money wasn’t a disappointment I bet). Little school boy is floored and completely befuddled…then completely kidnapped. I do have to say, the kidnapping scene was pretty creepy for a non-horror film. Here’s ol’ Dusty nekkid in the tub when he hears a creak. Then another….then one light is turned off…then another. Terrifying…especially because you’re there all defenseless like just waiting for whatever to show itself. Oh, and they do. It’s the business muggers and this time they want all the booty!….and the rest that goes along with it like his legs and arms…and teeth.

Der Marathon MannDusty wakes up to “Is it safe? Is it safe?” This is all Lawrence OliviNazi seems to say…like a heinous parrot. Dusty says what? then yes, then no. Nazi parrot cares not for these answers and starts in on Tootsies teethies with some dental tools. Yes, this is the only scene I had witnessed previously and had no clue even what the context was. “Is it safe?” Well, apparently, not for his mouth, it ain’t! A little more trickery, a drill, and a daring escape later, we see Dusty taking matters into his own hands.

Marathon Man DentistWill he survive? Will he ever see the Nazi parrot again? What about his lovely maybe Swiss but I have no clue really girlfriend? You will have to run out to grab it…it’s a gem!

Other things you may witness: Diamond pitching, mainstream mugging, diamond munching, car pushed by hate, and a view of old school New York City. Oh, and those really long nipples.