Valley Girl 1983 Martha Coolidge
So, like, ohmigawd! this gang of Valley girls wreak havoc the way most wealthy, Californian girls from the 80’s did – shopping, farting around, and checking out dudes ‘yknow? And while at the beach, a lightly tanned and heartily dimpled Julie first spots Nick Cage in, well, my opinion at least, his yummiest role.
I was all over that type of boy way back when I was a young, urban, Midwesterner watching Square Pegs and fawning over boys like Holly-weird, punk boy Randy and Johnny Ace (rip). But, alas, they were all the way on the other side of the planet down by the OP where all I had was some sleeveless OP t-shirts and average Chicago joes.
So, like, ohmigawd, back to the girls! They totally head over to the concession stand and Ghost Rider, and his weasely little buddy Fred, sidle up behind them. The boys overhear the address to a party and like, totally plan on crashing it!
Well, they are like, sooo not blendable with their black and red amidst the sea of pinks and yellows, so they like totally hide out until Nickipoo sees Julie and jumps her. She forces her BFF to come out with the 3 of them, and she like, basically has to because, like, ohmigawd, how horrid would I look if she winds up all murdered like?! So off they go to a cool, blue-lit club in Hollywood with The Plimsouls pushing out some atmosphere.
Anyway, they date and her ex-boyfriend, Tommy the Tool, makes out with one of her besties at that party then guilts her by blaming her for going in for the kill when he’s all confused emotionally at the break up. A total d-wad manipulation move for sure!
Poor little Lauryn, she’s totally the voice of reason but can’t say too much because she can’t tell her friend she was bad, which means she can’t tell her The Tool was bad. And, because of this and the riding of her girlfriends to take Tommy back because ‘he’s so bitchin’!’, she dumps ol’ weird Randy and is chained, literally, by the preppy, d-bag, ex-bf.
Oh, and we can’t forget, of course, the side story of their other girlfriend Stacey…who has a crush on her Mom’s delivery boy and high school friend, but he has a crush…on her Mom!! And it looks as if Mom may have her eye on some special meat deliveries as well.
So, back to the break up. Ol’ St. Nick is devastated and pulls out a lot of cute and creative ways of trying to win her back…photo booth photos snuck into her school book, infiltrating and pretending to be a fast food drive thru window cashier and movie theatre usher, and like, even sent in some totally rad radio dj dedications. The pre-teen me gushed! Dump The Tool! Reject conformity!! But nope, she went to prom with the pastel covered douche. It was so totally the peerest of the pressures, because like, they were like king and queen y’know!!
Well, Cage makes one, last, desperate attempt with…well, no plan at all! But he has enlisted the services of his ol’ pal Fred with whom he had a bit of a falling out. You see, Nicky was down right, not right after she dumped him and he drank, and fought, and caroused with ex’s. But now it was his time to pull himself up and re-claim the heart that was truly his!!
Will Randy and Julie get back together again? Does Fred get his little pickle? Does Skip wind up in a weird mother-daughter three-way? You’ll, like, totally just have to see it for yourself! Oh! My! Gawd!
Highlights include: a totally bitchin’ sound track!, all the pastel clothing you can stand!, 80’s fashion, consumerism, and omigawd! the language!, and Nick Cage looking all punky cute with his triangularly shaved chest! Oh, and did I mention the bitchin’ soundtrack was soo bitchin’ it filled two CDs?! Like the total truth. Totally!