Back To the Future (1985) Director: Robert Zemeckis

Back-To-The-Future

Marty’s not especially lucky, which, apparently, stems from his mediocre genes.  He tried out for his school talent show much to the sadness of Huey Lewis and others.  He does have a fine honey of a lady though (his pre-Adventures in Babysitting girlfriend from part 2), and they have plans on driving out to the woods for some romantic time…much to the dismay of his frowny-faced mom who thinks she must be some kind of slut to do such a thing.  Hussy!  But it’s a no nevermind because when Marty gets home, his quite common family lets him know the vehicle has been made inoperable by Biff, his Pop’s lifelong bully and now bully boss.

A sad Marty passes out and is awoken by his alarm as he has a late night date to meet his bestie Doc.  I’m not quite sure how this couple paired up in the first place, but we’ll just presume it was all on the up and up as most any man/child relationships develop…without scary touching.  Marty takes off on his skateboard to the mall…which, at 2:00 in the morning, is pretty empty.  We meet Doc and his pup Einstein and The DeLorian…which, back in the day, was code for rich, coked-up, d-bags, but for this movie it’s a time machine.  This and that and a video chat, Einstein traveling through speed and sound, and all is well until the plutonium hadding terrorists show up.  Blam blam blam.  Shooting, ducking, and whoosh, time travel.

Back to the Future Car

Poof!  Spaceman Marty pops back into 1955.  Whoa!  His weird alien invasion is not received well.  He finally meets up with the Doc, but not before he meets up with his pop, Biff, and his mom…who is much naughtier than her older self…so much so, she’s not only stripped a passed out Marty of his pants after her dad hit him with his car (FATE CHANGER!!!!), but she’s reading his underwear even before she knows his name.  And no, hussy, his name’s not Calvin.

His grandparents feed him and she feels him up.  He runs away to find his bestie and convinces him he is ‘from the future and I traveled in a time machine YOU made’.  A little gab about the flux capacitor (which is what’s needed for time travel), and Doc sets to try to get Marty back to his time and to attempt to fix McFly jr’s bumbling.  In doing so, Marty has to convince his new friend, Crispin Glover…aka Daddio, to invite his sassy tigress of a mother to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.  This was the dance, after all, where George and Lorraine had their first kiss which led to three future humans.  No kiss, no future, and if that’s the case, Marty should just kiss his Mom, and ass, goodbye.

young-crispin-glover and marty mcfly

So, it’s Marty’s duty – and Biff’s doodie after he and his cronies (including the bad guy from Titanic and the puppeteer from Nightmare on Elm St. 3) try to run ol’ Marty (who created the very first skateboard) over, and fail – to get these two love birds together.  Biff, who’s been sweet on Lorraine for some time, is making things a little harder than they should.  After Marty’s plan falls apart, Marty agrees accept Lorraine’s invitation to the dance in order to set up a fate changing moment for dear ol’ Pops.

Mom and Marty McFlyIt’s date night and Lorraine is all over her Calvin…and her hooch.  Marty squares out at mom’s sauciness, so much so, when she jumps him, he is frozen with a ‘grossy gross my mom’s tongue is in my mouth and I’m going to have to have therapy forever’ look on his face.  She finally feels the ickiness and backs away…just in time for Biff’s appearance.  Just before the raping, but after some of the molestation, Georgie boy opens up the door, frets, and is forced contemplate a life changing decision..

Will he choose correctly?  Will George and Lorraine kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance fulfilling their future?  Will Marty and sibs exist?  Will Marty sue Chuck Berry for stealing his sound ?  Will Biff be around to damage Marty’s sexy sex camping truck?  Will Marty and Doc find a way back home for our young hero?  Will Doc not listen to his own advice about tampering with the time line?  Will Marty burn up and destroy downtown Back To the Futureville?

You will have to go back…and watch it to find the answers.

It contains:  Fun 80’s fashion, a multitude of ‘time’ jokes, like do you have Tab?  I’ve never met you, how could you have a tab? funnies, invention of the skateboard, Huey Lewis with a ‘I smell poop’ look on his face, eighties version of what the 50’s looked like, hyper colours, poop, black leaders, space men, tush-slapping, principal scolding, and a really catchy theme song.

Side note – This was released 07/03/85 – almost 30 years from today.  ALSO, at the end of the film, they fly into the future…2015.

Back-To-The-Future-2015