PBR DrawingI am so tired of the Confederate flag debate that I decided to knock back a couple Pabst Blue Ribbons and tell you about it.

I get the whole freedom of speech thing. You can fly whatever colors you want. It’s your right as a goddamn American. It’s a privilege granted to you by the Bill of Rights, the very same document that allows you to bad mouth Obama while filling up your jeep with the cheapest gas in a five years, or hate on the Supreme Court shortly before tapping your foot under the adjacent bathroom stall.

confederate-battle-flag-south-carolinaWe all understand that you aren’t a racist. You like to fish and hunt. Who knows, you may even give a shit about state’s rights. I love states rights as much as Oregonians like to toke. America is a little large to always be making nation wide policies anyway. The West Coast should be allowed to puff the reefer if they so desire. New England could be wicked into making all tourists get a Kennedy tattoo before leaving. I honestly don’t think Nebraska needs any laws at all seeing as how no one lives there by choice anyway. And that’s what the southern uprising was all about after all, not the inherent right for white land owning males to own another human being, but the right for the state to decide if that was okay. The civil war was a result of this simple semantic subtlety.

So what if some American’s want to wave the stars and bars? By now they know the stigma that arises with associating yourself with that symbol. People without SS tattooed on their necks are going to look twice at someone with a swastika t-shirt too, no matter how much that individual believes in total social equality and not genocide. Other Americans tragically mistaking southern pride for the racist connotations married to rebel flag is something both parties will have to live with.


Lets recap the pros and cons of the southern cross.


-Opportunity to teach people who don’t abuse freedom of speech how to do so.

-Free Jeep (Doors not included).

-Never have to talk to a democrat ever again!


-People might know your narrow-minded.

-They are hard to find now-a-days anyway.

-Can only eat at Denny’s.


Thanks for reading. Join me next time for “Rainbows: How Much is Enough? Penis.”